Shortly after this column was written, Wendy’s – presumably intimidated by my clout – chicken-nuggeted out and released a statement saying that while it will enact “dynamic pricing,” the fast-food chain will not implement “surge pricing … raising prices when demand is highest.” In a statement to USA TODAY, the company said “we have no plans to do that and would not raise prices when our customers are visiting us most.” But it will, apparently, consider lowering prices at other times, which according to math amounts to the same thing. I stand by this column. And you’re welcome, American consumers. Once again, journalism has made a difference.
Have you ever thought to yourself: “This cheeseburger I just bought tastes delicious, but wouldn’t it be cool if I could pay more for it during the times when most normal people want to eat?”
I know I certainly have. My name is Rex Huppke and I’m a renowned USA TODAY columnist and a known person on the internet. Nothing matters more to me than status, so I was PUMPED to read about Wendy’s new plan to test dynamic pricing at its restaurants.
The plan is simple, and similar to the way ride-share companies and other retail and service providers raise and lower prices depending on demand. Dynamic pricing is a great way for fantastically wealthy corporations to make more money by leveraging the needs of not fantastically wealthy people, or “normals” as we status-havers call them.
Yes, Wendy’s, please give me your highest priced burger!
It also gives people like me a chance to believe that intentionally spending more for something that cost less 10 minutes ago is proof that I’m cool and edgy.
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Wendy’s plan is to test jacking the price of a Frosty or a Pretzel Baconator right around lunch or dinner. That makes sense, because most Americans who choose to slowly clog their arteries by eating at Wendy’s tend to do so around those times. You know, the times when people get hungry.
More hungry people + higher-priced Ghost Pepper Ranch Chicken Sandwiches = more money for Wendy’s!
Overpriced fast food makes for great social media content, so I’m in
And for someone like me? It means a chance to #PostOnInstagram a pic of me scarfing down a Loaded Nacho Triple Cheeseburger right when it’s at its HIGHEST PRICE POINT! #PoshLife #GetOnMyBurgerLevel
The company plans to test the dynamic pricing next year, and if you think I’m going to be caught dead buying low-cost midday fries, you know nothing about my personal branding.
I and my fellow influencers will only feast on processed food stuff when there is maximum demand.
Wendy’s boasts of dynamic pricing and suggestive selling
During a recent conference call, Wendy’s CEO Kirk Tanner said this: “Beginning as early as 2025, we will begin testing more enhanced features like dynamic pricing and daypart offerings, along with AI-enabled menu changes and suggestive selling.”
Kirk, I don’t know what “daypart offerings” are, but I’ll take 12 of them, and make sure you’re charging me the peak rate. And hit me with all the suggestive selling you can. I’ll be in the corner booth eating a $39 Big Bacon Classic Double and hoping my heart doesn’t explode before I can post about it on TikTok.
Kirk continued: “As we continue to show the benefit of this technology in our company-operated restaurants, franchisee interest in digital menu boards should increase, further supporting sales and profit growth across the system.”
As God intended.
Don’t bore me with your desire to afford lunch, my $20 Frosty is melting
Look, I’m sure there are some folks out there who think paying more for the same damn nugget of spicy chicken-ish stuff is profoundly unfair to consumers and likely to damage brand loyalty and drive people to other fast-food places that don’t engage in cynical time-of-day price gouging.
But what about the people who think a funny social media post of themselves paying more for a frozen-dairy desert that tastes like cold mud makes them a person people care about?
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This is important to us, and I don’t think the needs of people who want to afford lunch should trump us wanting to floss on what used to be Twitter about dropping three-hundo at a Wendy’s.
So I say, bring on the dynamic pricing. You may lose business, but you’ll lock up the most important consumer demographic: people willing to pay anything for attention.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on X, formerly Twitter, @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
First appeared on www.usatoday.com